| breaking the silence with life, some plans and a shopping list |
[Thursday03Sep092125] |
I've decided to finally return to the land of Livejournal! It's been an exceptionally long absence, mostly due to emotional instability upon returning from England, life being typically hectic and also not knowing where to start after having not written for such a long time.
I'm now midway through semester 2 (week 6, to be specific), back at Fruition working about 10-12 hours a week and making a conscious effort to see people I really want to see but at the same time trying to ensure that I have enough me time to breathe.
My current obsession:
 
Japanese green tea with roasted rice - so fragrant!
My plans this weekend include: sorting through my wardrobe and removing everything that hasn't been worn in the past two years, taking said items of clothing down to the Red Cross/Salvos, attempting to cut up old jeans in the hopes of successfully creating two pairs of denim shorts (one mid-thigh length with frayed edges and one short and cuffed), attending a 1st birthday party, attending a 22nd birthday party, reading for Public Law mid-semester exam, cooking Dad a Father's Day dinner and going running. I need a new (or at least revamped) summer wardrobe so I'm extremely excited about those shorts! Also on my shopping list: new sandals to replace my old, old gladiator-esque sandals, Havaianas to replace the ones which broke on Fraser Island, slightly oversized and slouchy basic v-neck t-shirts (white, grey and maybe a muted blue), a few cute summer dresses that I can live in, and a printed high-waisted skirt. Oh, I also have plans to go op-shopping in the next couple of weeks for cool vintage belts and bags.
Anyway, I have a manic Friday to get through before I can put my weekend plans into action - four hours of classes, four and a half hours of tutoring, what promises to be a lovely dinner and catching-up time with Catherine who's up from Melbourne for the weekend and a rather boozy party (at least I suspect that's the plan) afterwards. I'll probably update again after the weekend and try to keep things fairly regular :]
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♥-shaped kisses.
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| the wandering mind |
[Saturday04Apr091818] |
I think it's when I have no plans and am left alone with my thoughts that my mind starts to wander. I need to curb this immediately and refocus. Focus on the fact that my life is so good, that my studies are going swimmingly despite all the essays I have to write, that my friends are amazing and when I hang out with them I don't have the time or the inclination to think about anything (or anyone) else, and that it's so good to be home with my family. So there should be no thinking about what I'm missing out on (as I am apt to do), nor should there be time for thoughts of you. I think I need to get into one of my occasional study moods, where I just sit down and power through readings, notes and essays. Maybe tonight.
I've been hazy eyed
staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full
it was like we were tapping the moon for moonshine
or sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like Icarus would forever kiss
the bullets from our guns
- Andrea Gibson, "Photograph"
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♥-shaped kisses.
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| the (hopeful) end of an unplanned hiatus |
[Monday30Mar092321] |
Today marked the one month anniversary of my return to Brisbane. I woke up at 7, spent half an hour reading my Bible, went for a run, had breakfast, prepped for my group assignment and drove into university. 12-8 pm saw me in various classes, running through our presentation, attempting to work on an essay in the library and having hot chocolate in the corridor of building 3 because the grass was too wet for us to sit on. Coincidentally enough it was grey and the sky was dripping all day today, slightly reminiscent of the weather I left behind in England.
It's taken me this whole time to settle into a comfortable routine; two emotional breakdowns, a lot of long chats to different people about essentially the same things, a lot of prayer and keeping myself busy in general has helped me get to this point. My (badly made) point is that it hasn't been as easy as I thought, and I will never again doubt that re-adjustment woes are real and present.
Nevertheless, this is what my life looks like at the moment: I'm at university three days (afternoons, to be specific) a week, am looking for part-time/casual employment, home group on Tuesday and Christian Training Program classes on Sunday morning before service, and have filled the rest of my time with meeting people and doing assignments. My medium-term goal is to redecorate my room - I now have an amazing wall covered with photos of people I love and from my travels - and I hope to fulfil that goal during the month-long winter break come July. I'm also very excited at the prospect of many people coming to visit Brisbane this year and hopefully all the plans will work out. I'm also determined to run at least three or four times a week and get back into the shape I was in after backpacking for 2.5 months.
Alright. Hopefully this marks the return of me regularly updating this long-neglected LJ. Ciao for now!
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♥-shaped kisses.
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| goodbyes |
[Monday19Jan09936] |
One of the hardest things in life is saying goodbye. It's coming to terms with and admitting out loud that you are leaving the things that have made your life in the past two months/five months/four years/sixteen years.. Unlike most other things which "come with practice", farewells never get any easier because each time is different. A different group of people, a different way of life, a different you. At this moment, I can't imagine not being able to scoot over to block 10, knock on Rachel's door and sit on her bed to have a chat. I can't imagine not being a ten minute walk away from 2 Arnesby Road, where I will find good company, a listening ear and a hot cup of tea. I can't imagine not traipsing up to the third floor of block 3, feeling like an elephant because the stairs make such a racket, and meeting Janna for breakfast/lunch/dinner/laundry excursions. But in a while I won't have to imagine any of that. I'll be back in my room in Brisbane, hammering away on my laptop with a steaming pot of green tea and dark chocolate right next to me, whinging about how hot it is. I'll see movies with Alex regularly, hike up Mt Coot-tha with Kat, and eat pizza every week with the posse. That's the scariest part about saying goodbye - how easy it is to forget. I always run through the I-can't-imagine-nots in my head before leaving, and always think that my life will never be the same again, that I'll be consumed with missing what I had before. But I always move on, slip back into my routine, and so does everyone else. Suddenly what I spent a long time doing will seem like just a blip in my life, and suddenly the people I came to rely on will be distant and far away. And their lives will move on, and my life will move on, and it almost seems as if it all never happened. That's the scariest part.
But if there's one thing I've learned about having had to say goodbye so many times, it's that we don't really forget. Everything we've experienced shapes us and influences our path, regardless of how much. Everyone we've met teaches us something, even if they only demonstrate to us what we never ever want to be. And everywhere we go rubs off on us and opens our eyes to something different, and gives us a bit more of a glimpse of the world outside our own.
My experience in Nottingham has been nothing but positive. I have no regrets whatsoever from my time here, except maybe that I don't have more of it. I don't think I could delve deep enough inside myself to figure out how I've changed, but suffice to say the Danielle leaving now is not the Danielle who left the airport in Brisbane on 4 July 2008. I know I would've been fine if I'd chosen to stay in Brisbane; life would've chugged along as it always does, but I would have missed out on all of this.
So here's to the people who have made my time here, to everybody who's given up precious time to spend it with me. Here's to nights curled up on the bed watching DVDs, to secrets spilling out uncontrollably, to talking about boys and talking about girls, to lunches and dinners and coffees and teas, to fire alarms and waking up to loud music at 3 am, to pilates and boring EU Law lectures, to God and to love and to life.
Goodbyes are never easy, but they make you realise that you've had so much that is precious and that is worth holding dear.
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♥-shaped kisses.
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16yearsofstars's journal